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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

German ITK

A number of years ago I printed off a post from the Manchester United fans website and recently found it lurking in a box in the loft. I thought I'd repost it here as it still makes me laugh. The intro implies the post itself was taken from another site and then reposted on m-u-f-c. The last few lines perhaps hint at the motivations behind the post and the contempt the author feels towards his target audience.

"German ITK

This was posted on another "football" message board, it cracked me up so I felt justified in showing it to a wider audience. Those who are familiar with the style of writing will no doubt feel the same..."

"german itk
poland - the truth

Just want to clear up all the sh*t that's been posted about Poland. First off, pre- '39 yes, you could say there was a bit of a Germany/Russia "love in". Basically we both knew we couldn't go firm-on-firm with each other for a couple of years. September '39 we piled in to Poland from the west side, Russia came in from the east. Anyway, the poles had some game lads but didn't stand a chance. F*uck me you should have seen the scruffy c*nts, on f*cking horses! Ours were all dressers, all quality chaps.

So that was that for Poland, we bided our time and let the Russian mob think they had some sort of result, while we bowled all over Western Europe taking liberties everywhere we went. At this time we was UNDISPUTED NUMBER 1 FIRM in my opinion, although others may see it different - WE DON'T TRAVEL DO WE!!!!????? We obviously expected to get a result in Denmark, Norway, Holland, Belgium and Luxembourg etc, but even we was surprised when we went through the French firm in a couple of weeks. For f*cks sakethey even had a mob of English guesting for them till they got on their toes at Dunkirk. Looking back I reckon we should have chased harder and finished the English then, but at the time we was happy enough with the result.

We was on such a roll, we decided to take it to England - mid '40. now I know England was on the back foot, but you have to say fair play to us for having a pop, they were virtually unbeaten at home for nigh on 900 years. Anyway, like I say we took it to them with our Luftwaffe firm, and for a long time it looked like we'd come out on top. Fair play to the English though, the Spitfire and Hurricane mobs were top drawer and in the end we had to pull out. Didn't help that the fat c*nt leading our firm into that row (H***** G******) had already claimed a result! Can call him what I want now - he topped himself before his court case on a Section 250!

We did get some major results against the English at sea - they thought they could hide behind escorts but we broke through again and again. Then some clever f*cker sussed how to tap into our text messages (you should have seen the size of the f*cking mobiles in them days). That was game over in the Atlantic.

The guvnor (AH) was well f*cked off, but he had decided we now had the numbers to take it to the Russians on their own manor. If you ask me he had enough on his plate with the English - and trying to sort out the Spurs mob at home (in fairness that was more HH acting on his own). Anyway, we had a good go in summer '41 - any honest Reds on here will admit this - we run you all over the Ukraine and had you on the backfoot at Leningrad. At the same time we legged you all the way back to Moscow - poxy winter definitely robbed us of the result there. 

That was a big winter all round. We'd had a bit of mutual respect with the Japanese mob for a while, but I've got to say I was well surprised when they steamed into the Yanks on their own turf. Suddenly we're at odds with every c*nt and his dog. It all calmed down a bit late winter, for me we spent too much time slapping shirts and not enough time concentrating on their firm - it was inevitable the Reds would come back, the numbers they can pull when they have to is f*cking amazing.

Anyway, we run them again through '42, and chased them all the way back to Stalingrad. F*ck me did it go off there! It was toe-to-toe for months - seriously. I know everyone talks the numbers up but I'm not lying if I say we took a good 200,000 there. Trouble is them f*cking Reds just wouldn't give up, and in the end we had to turn it in. It is well known one of our top boys (FvP) went down too easily for a lot of people's liking. In the end we had about 90,000 nicked, so you can't say we didn't make the effort. 

Looking back that winter was where it all started to go wrong. England had got a major result at a pre-arranged meet in North Africa, the Septics were chasing the Japs across the Pacific, and that f*cker (B***** H*****) and his mob were steadily bombing the f*ck out of us. We thought we could count on that little eyetie b*stard (BM), but he got sorted out by his own firm, and suddenly we were on our own.

I've got to be honest and say we didn't get too many results after that, Kharkov maybe, but then we got turned over big time at Kursk, when it was strickly Firm-on-Firm - all top boys, no baggage - and after that a lot of our older lads decided to turn it in. Some even had a go at THE top boy (AH) but it never came off.

After England and the Septics decided they would come across to join in it was curtains, we got squeezed back from both sides and in the end, no question Russia got the result when it came on top in Berlin. Crazy days though, makes me laugh with these lads today and all this "we brung 60/100/ didn't show" etc. F*cking hell lads - 60 years too late for the party. 

No doubt some gobby f*cker will come on and dispute what I say, but respect to the proper lads who know the score.

Keep it real - what DID happen, not what's gonna happen."

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